If you have ever found yourself being undeservedly criticised, blamed, gaslighted, diminished in any way, put down or ignored by your parent or carer, causing you to question your perceptions and constantly second-guess yourself, AND NO ONE saw, heard or understood what was truly going on, then this book is for you. You are not alone.
This is what covert narcissism is.
Through my poems, I portray all of that, and a bit more, having been profoundly affected by my father’s damaging behaviour and undercover hints.
Hidden Hints is my first book.
As you will know from my ‘About’ page, I was born in France and came to the UK at the age of 19. It is only after a few months across the English Channel that I realised I had come here to escape from my father and find freedom – freedom from the past as well as from my present.
It is only in 2002, at the age of 26, that I discovered that my father was a covert narcissist, after reading a book about narcissism (Le Harcèlement moral, by Marie-France Hirigoyen).
Yet I still blamed myself for all the comments, the gaslighting and my sensitivity, believing there was something wrong with me, when actually there was something wrong with him and with our relationship.
It took me another 16 years (5 years after his death) to accept that there was nothing wrong with me and that I was now free – free from the narcissistic prison created by my father, where I kept myself locked even in his absence; free to be myself; free to live the life I wanted.
I started writing poems about it over the ensuing months and finally plucked up the courage to publish them in 2019, 6 years after his death.
I am now writing a book that is part memoir, part self-development book and that will help other women understand how to heal from their tumulatuous relationship with their fathers. It will be published in late 2020/early 2021.